The adjustment to college life is easier for some than it is for others. Fortunately for UNLV students, the Honors College hosted their second Athenaeum of the year with that goal in mind. It was entitled “Making Connections & Developing Friendships” and aimed to help incoming freshmen learn how to make new friends and connect them with individuals and clubs within the Honors College. Lisa Menegatos, Ph.D, dean of the Honors College, hosted the event which took place in the Blasco Event Wing of the UNLV Foundations Building. The event elicited a full house of students, with more students than there were seats.
Immediately, Dean Menegatos jumped in and started talking about how the more individualized structure of college can lead to vastly different experiences. She said, “The reality is that college, our undergraduate years, can be extremely stressful, but they can also be really, really lonely.”
As a way to address that, Dean Menegatos conducted an exercise in which she had each student present write on a piece of paper the names of three of their closest friends, how they met and why they consider their friendship to be so strong. Once members of the audience started wrapping up their notes, the dean encouraged students to share their thoughts. As students shared their stories of meeting some of their closest friends, a pattern began to emerge. Most of these friendships had formed through school—regardless of whether it was elementary, middle or high school.
This, Dean Menegatos explained, is because there is a certain order to your schedule. Everyone has classes at the same time and leaves at the same time. Across all relationships, whether they’re founded in high school, college or beyond, one factor remains the most important. “In order to have high-quality friendships and romantic relationships, you need time,” Dean Menegatos explained.
The two most important things to making friendships work, according to Dean Menegatos, is spending time together, over time, as well as intentional self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is the act of sharing personal information with another person and can build understanding between people.
This act of self-disclosure is crucial for building a strong relationship between individuals. One issue commonly seen between college students is that they will only make small talk about things that are ‘comfortable,’ like upcoming midterms or last weekend’s football game. The issue with this is that these conversations only develop that far and don’t delve deeper into each individual’s thoughts and experiences. By altering the way these conversations are held, it allows for more in-depth conversations that reveal more about each person and can determine whether it’s a viable friendship or not.
When engaging in these conversations, it’s also important to show your interest to the person you’re talking to. This can be accomplished through accommodating non-verbals. Lean in, smile and make eye contact to show that you’re actively listening and care about what the other person is saying.
To cap off her discussion, Dean Menegatos left with a final closing statement: “If you want a friend, be a friend.”
Though simple on the surface, it’s a sentiment that each individual can take to heart. Abide by the golden rule, and treat people the way you want to be treated.
